IDFNBGAW is ostensibly a sports blog: That is, we're inspired by the inimitable Weezy F. Baby, who is, we're told, quite the sports fan. We're also inspired by the concept of Swag, which, again, is quite sports-related. So, it brings us GREAT JOY to comment on the latest greatest news of the Internets. Lastings Milledge is going to be a National!
(Courtesy of Gothamist, but the captions are ours.)
So what does this mean for IDFNBGAW? Well, allow us to explain. Back in 2005, we were just starting to think about getting out of college. Impermanence was the rule. We wanted to latch on to something lasting, traditional, Great and Beautiful. So we thought, hey, what about that baseball thing? That's pretty tradition-laden. And aren't baseball games the places where fat cat businessmen casually negotiate over $million deals? Over footlongs and plastic bottles of Bud??
The only thing left was to pick a team. Growing up, we used to like the Yankees. But then they had to go and win so much that, by 2005, they were a highly unfashionable choice. What other teams were there? The Mets? But they were a poor man's Yankees. The Red Sox seemed popular, but all their fans are assholes. Oh, what's that? There's a new baseball team? Yes there is. The Washington Nationals were just coming back to being, rising from the chrysalis that was Expos. They seemed fresh and old school. There was no bandwagon, therefore no bandwagon fans. They were a northeast team, so we could go to games. The stars had aligned. Perfect! So we went off to Zappos or Footlocker or something and got a Nationals hat.
And we read all about them on the Internets. And everything seemed primed for a bigtime baseball resurgence over in IDFNBGAW Land. Except for two things: 1) The Nationals sucked. Maybe they traded for Soriano or something? They had one guy, like, a 3b or Cf that was pretty good? Maybe El Duque's brother? They were horrible. And then with the RFK-is-actually-a-lot-bigger-than-we-thought-it-was Washington Post article, which totally demoralized the team. But, the bigger problem was 2)
Baseball is suuuuuuuper boring to watch unless it's a deciding playoff game. And, as per 1), the Nationals were not getting anywhere near the playoffs. Therefore, the whole let's root for the Nationals plan fell through.
But maybe this Milledge trade is what we need. There's going to be a new ballpark. And the Mets' epic collapse last year may be an emotional speedbump that they're just not gritty enough to overcome. The Braves are all card carrying members of the AARP. And, who else is in the NL East? We have no clue because we don't watch baseball. But, rest assured. Come April, we will definitely be reading about it on Deadspin. And we cannot wait to read about Milledge's latest rap/baseball endeavors. We wish him the best: To fly with the fishes and swim with the pigeons; to live in a different world like Dwyane Wayne.
